.· a little less than before ·.

What should be done when you feel you can’t trust your heart and you are too weak to do the most logical thing? There ain’t many things to say when you have to shut it up.
I know I’m a fucking one of a kind for twice I thought I had found the one, the other one of my kind. I see now doesn’t exist such person.
A couple of years ago I read something that is still in my orkut. ‘you won’t find the one you have been looking for, but someone who has been looking for you’

Now I know I won’t be able to hold things without hurting myself. So I’ll change, again. I’ll be more ordinary even though is not what I want to.

I can’t stop thinking about one of my best friends (La) when she found out that I had cheated my ex. Even with thousands of reasons to do so (a lot more found after the broke up) Her eyes of disappointment broke my heart as she had lost hope on me.
I’m sorry La, but it’s time to be ordinary again. Unfortunately they have way more value. They are happy doing what they do. I wish I could be like them. Uhh I can’t convince myself of that… for now, but I know once I do so, everything will be ok.

Music: Broken strings - James Morrison Ft. Nelly Furtado

Motto: “I love you a little less…”

Próxima pauta: “heartless”

.· Hot N Cold ·.

Música sempre entra de alguma forma na minha vida, geralmente associada a um tipo de situação momentanea ou realidade constante. Dificilmente chega ao ponto de me definir, ainda mais me identificar negativamente com a música. Ao procurar uma que definisse o que eu sentia, achei hilariamente uma que define com sou.

Hot n Cold – Katy Perry.

Só espero que, como no clipe, meu final seja happy ever after, mas meanwhile…


Motto: “We fight, we break up, we kiss, we make up”

Próxima pauta: “Let’s get some future”

.· Happy Xmas ·.

Finally the holidays and I’m not going to do what I would like to, but something that I learnt recently, I can have fun as much as I like. So be it. Tonight is gonna be alright. What I gonna do? I duno, but definitively something.

Last weekend was interesting. Many things get together. I opened my eyes. I saw danger and pleasure in both sides of the very same person… Can we be whatever we want to? Yes. But it’s a little difficult. I’m trying. Last night I proved so. Now, let’s improve it!

Got some friends, lost some as well. Big deal!

Let’s get some friends fase II
Let’s get some future loading…


Motto: “For Your Improvement”

Próxima pauta: “Let’s get some future”

.· 4 in the morning ·.

It’s 4AM. I’m listening over and over ‘Gwen Stefani – 4 in the morning’. It’s funny how music can represent our feelings. This music shows how I am right now.

I’ve just sent him a ‘last call’ e-mail, trying, again, to make wrong things right. But how long will I keep doing it. It gets boring for both of us.
When do we know if we are asking too much? When do we know they are giving too little? I guess we don’t ‘till we see everything going apart.
I know this process, I’ve been through this before, and I know where it goes. Two different pages, two different worlds, two different goals. Funny ‘coz I met him when I was just in this same situation with my ex. Does it mean…? NO, I don’t want that. Not yet anyway.

Motto: “ is the end intend?”

Próxima pauta: “are we having fun yet?”

.· Reality bends to desire ·.

I’m kinda late for work, but I’m want to drop some waste lines today, so screw it!
Sometimes I feel a little frustrated (not to mention a lot) when some things that are not quite what I want happens. This is surely part of my astrological sing, even thought I don’t believe at all (but keep reading from time to time driven by curiosity).
I expect too much from things and people around and I not always correspond to others.
Yesterday was a fantastic day in my work. As usual I run around the clock and far beyond my schedule and duties ask me to, but this time was different. I was bloody tired and though I receive a huge complement from my boss. He talked about my growth in the last 3 years and how people from work and students correspond to it. I was kinda flattering but it was enough to shine the rest of my day.
To be totally honest I felt a little bit sad when I came home, alone, and remind myself that I had no one to share that great rather simple felling.
My intentions for the future might not be clear neither satisfactory, but I know what I want.
Reality bends to desire. I try to believe it. I try to execute it.
Today, checking strangers profiles I saw an interesting saying from Gandhi: “You need to be the change that you want to see in the world. Se it’s not now, when? If it’s not us, who?”
I want to choose my path. I don’t want anyone doing it for me.
My future is as bright as I want it to be.
I’ll follow my way, hoping not being alone along.

Motto: “ Reality bends to desire”

Próxima pauta: “Let’s get some friends”

.· From Beneath it devours ·.

“Fucking bustard” That expression almost all the time I get frustrated about something or someone (specially) calms my nerves. But a rather shout inside loud than properly outside.
The weekend I could broadly see what really gets me in relationships: Boundlessness.
I must say I’m a needy person in terns of commitment and when I feel things are getting right I almost certainly want to get to the next level.
Quick and painless. Sure not! Due to the same process which links me to the next step, there is another force responsible to quibble the situation so something can be done in order to fix it or improve.
Well, That’s in fact holds me from enjoying the process once my worriness is facing the future almost excluding the present situation.
The pseudo paradox prohibits me from moving along the relationship once i’m just concerned about the future which I’ll no longer have.
The circuit closes when the outcome is visible, and as an alternative to put things right the attachment becomes a strong way to solve the problem that increases according to the negative responses repulsing the two involved parts.
To make thins short, I get further trying to get closer.
Funny because I always jump into a relationship as the careless part and end up being the weak the most involved one. To protect myself from this kind of exposure I created a shield which gets stronger as I feel weakness from the other’s part. So I get farther, and consequentially safer, theorically.
In the preset moment I’m devouring myself inside out trying to understand the distancing even though he doesn’t see that way (or pretends that doesn’t).
As conclusion one step back due to put both in same pages is advisable, so be it. Kids in the closet, tears alone and coldness shall prevail.
I still want all the things I used to, but I don’t necessarily need to show them up. I’ll keep them hidden, in the same place that I am, hoping that someday someone can dig them out and make all my dreams, shallow or childish, girly or utopia, come true.

Motto: “ From beneath it devours”

Próxima pauta: “Namorar um leonino é...”

.· Inquilinismo social ·.

Estava precisando voltar para cá. Acho muito bom escrever e sentia falta. Nada melhor que integrar o assunto anterior com os ‘dramas’ atuais meus hwhwhw.

Hoje não sinto com gabarito para falar a respeito, mas vamos lá...

Analogia é o sistema mais simples para o entendimento e explicação de uma idéia. Como o próprio nome evidencia, também utilizarei de tão recurso para associar um comportamento generalizado na sociedade com o mesmo pertencente ao grupo de seres vivos considerados inferiores.

É fato, quando alguém precisa de ajuda tente a recorrer a outra pessoa mais forte ou mais apta a resolver a problemática. Como dizem: “é normal” particularmente odeio essa expressão, mas tenho que concordar em partes com ela. Devido a fraqueza de caráter e até mesmo comodidade tentemos a nos aproximas de pessoas que venham de alguma forma facilitar processos penosos em nossas vidas.

Em algum ponto de nossas vidas, em grande parte dos casos em todos, nos deparamos como membros dessa dicotomia. Parafraseando Eurythimics: Todos procuram por algo, alguns querem te usar outros serem usados”

A verdade é bem essa, o verbo também, alijado do ‘mutualismo’, pode oferecer catastróficas conseqüências.

Não estou aqui para falar disso, pelo contrário, o assunto que me interessa é o comportamento abusivo em seus diversos patamares de intensidade.

Os estudos de casos são inúmeros, mas alguns me chamaram a atenção em especial nos últimos meses.

1. o Sr. X, ao se mudar para uma nova cidade depende da moradia compartilhada do indivíduo Y, cuja reação pré-estabelecida pela sociedade o obriga a aceitar o amigo no tempo difícil, mesmo contra a vontade, fato qual Y utiliza de outros meios para extravasar a raiva/frustação da situação não desejável. Sr. X, apesar de evidenciar e ser alertado da situação, prefere acomodar-se devido a impossibilidade de reagir em relação a situação, fato q acarreta no aumento dos níveis de raiva/frustração de Y.

2. Sujeito K se aproxima interessadamente no sujeito J porque precisa de carona para a casa e consequentemente acaba por apoiá-lo mesmo discordando de seus argumentos simplesmente para não perder a carona.

Claro que não vou ser louco de colocar os nomes, mas são alguns dos inúmeros exemplos de inquilinismo social no qual chega a haver uma cumplicidade na qual um indivíduo abre mão de um fator para tirar proveito de algo maior. Pura lei da sobrevivência.

Não seria hipócrita em dizer que não me coloco nessa sociedade, pelo contrário, sou um exemplo vivo de multiplicidade inquilina. Engolimos vários sapos pelo comodismo. Facilmente abrimos mão de princípios para tirar uma maior vantagem nas situações. Ação e reação, num mundo cheio de aceitações e permissões que estruturam a aparente sólida máscara social.

Moral: “ Só não vendemos nossos princípios porque alugar é mais vantajoso”

Próxima pauta: “Teoria da inversabilidade relacional”