The winner takes it all

Abba - The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all...

.∙ Trust your instincts ∙.

I really don’t know why my life tend to be a dramatic soap opera, a living drama. When everything seems to be going just right, there’s always something to take my stability away.
A few people well know what I’ve been through and I appreciate this lack of knowledge from my closer ones. Although I like being the center of attentions, There are hatred in every though of a slight possibility to be evolved again in an unresolved relationship.
I guess living in a danger of in the thrilling forbidden passion is totally unbearable to me.
I don’t like been put aside, in blank or fooled by people. Play dummy is smart however the dice must play on my side.
From my past I learnt to listen to my intuition, perhaps a woman side of mine yelling to pay attention and avoid committing the very same mistake again. There’s a siren ringing. I’m not quite sure what for, so I’ll just be alert. Watching the dynamic and specially, holding still. One way of the other, my mental and emotional health must prevail.

Motto: “Trust your instincts”

Next Topic: A love game; I love game

.∙ What did you hear me say? ∙.

A couple of weeks ago Astrid and her unbearable coworker were discussing about Internet interference and invasion on people’s private life. Among thousands of cases of Pedros and similar, this unexpected popularity might sound at fist pleasant, but in the other hand can be a curse.
I specifically want to talk about who flogs, blogs, and relationship sites have intrusively entered in our lives and special in my own.
I love writing about myself, ‘my life is an opened book’ some would say. Recently a friend of my, who I didn’t even know was my blog reader sent me an mms complaint about what I have written about him in one of my posts. I honestly have no idea what he was complaining about. I read over and over to try to understand where, when and how I have offended him so badly. No clue.
The question is how badly I’m exposing myself and people around me. Is this healthy? Should I play more attention and limit myself to write basic stuff?
This makes me remember another friend, Leon(belém) and his flog Shameless. He isn’t afraid of writing everything there, and he is infinitively more popular then I am. I also remember another acquaintance who is also gay and a local celebrity in Northeast of Brazil. He watches every single word, picture and deposition he post to preserve his image in society. Which side to choose? My own I always say. Whatever works with me it’s fine as long as I don’t get hurt of hurt someone, mitigating, perhaps, the exposure effects.

# The Cardigans - Erase and Rewind
Motto: “Say whatever you want to, listen whatever they want you to”
Next topic: The new guys in town

.∙ Please don’t make too much of it baby ∙.

Life is interesting. When you feel down seems everything around goes down with you, but the most interesting part is that when you feel fine, everything is great.
For long I quit looking for to be found instead. It’s not that I want to, but what I don’t is get into a hunt. That’s just not me. Not the Now-me, anyway.
We attract good things, that’s exactly what is happening with me nowadays. A couple of weeks ago I decided to give a break and date myself. I’m doing fine. But the guys just keep coming… I CERTAINLY NOT complaining about that. I’m a Leo remember? Whwhwh
Anyway, what I want to say is that life can be very, very pleasant if you let it to.
Great thing ahead. Professionally, personally.
Oh, by the way. One month without sex. I will extend to two! No plains, however now kissing is allowed YESA!!!

# Jennifer Paige - Crush
Motto: “Let’s no overanalyze. Don’t go too deep with me, baby”
Next topic: That’s not what I’m looking for

.∙Oops I… ∙.

I’m in my late twenties and I still find myself doing pre-adolescent stuff. It’s not that I regret doing so, but it’s interesting how some things never change.
This weekend I kinda let my hormones take over for a couple of hours and jerked myself for two, simultaneously, guys. It was totally retro, come one, but it was fun. I even received some pics from them, which I must confess, were totally used properly for my personal pleasure.
Anyway. I’m not 16 anymore and Yes, some sex will be provided in the future with both of them, if I get lucky, of them.. hwhwhw, but the point is that none of these make my feel like I’m falling in love or something. I didn’t even feel promiscuous about that either.
I’m still dating myself, so let’s consider this a threesome. Whwhwh
# s – Ft
Motto: “It doesn’t make sense, does it?”
Next topic: Dancing with myself

.∙ Dating myself ∙.

A verdade as vezes dói um pouco, ainda mais quando ela chega em doce cavalar. Ontem em conversa com uma grande amiga eu ouvi uma realidade inconveniente. Não que a gente já não sabia dela, mas que preferimos não ver. A ignorância é a benção dos fracos e despreparados.
Atraímos coisas boas quando pensamos em coisas boas, e a negatividade funciona da mesma forma. Nossa aparência pode até mostrar uma falsa realidade que mascara um maior problema interno, mas de certa forma, mais ou menos evidente, deixamos transparecer o real estado interno nosso.
Isso me fez lembrar de um ocorrido a umas 2 semanas atrás. Um carinha que conheci num site de relacionamentos de tanto insistir pra ver meu Orkut, eu mandei... Não deu nem cinco minutos para ele voltar me chamando que sou muito porra loka. Gente, por que? Segundo Tebs eu estava, e ainda estou, vendendo uma falsa imagem minha. You see what you get, right? Not quite!
Não sou assim, mas gosto que pensem isso de mim. Porque quero ser assim? Porque quero ser visto assim? Nenhuma nem outra... Por que será então? Bom, isso eu descubro com o tempo. Faz parte do meu crescimento pessoal. Doesn’t matter how much it takes, but I’ll succeed.
Como uma forma de consolidar essa etapa de autoaprendizado resolve namorar, a mim mesmo. Comprei uma aliança e tudo mais. Estar com alguém que egoistamente gosta de mim. Vou cuidar de mim, arrumar a casa para poder receber alguém, um dia...
# Arctic Monkeys – Fluorescent adolescent
Motto: “Precisamos arrumar a casa antes de receber visita”
Next topic: First date

.∙ Wash your hands ∙.

Feeling are complicated to control. I like to pretend to myself and other that I have control over mine, but I know as well as my friends that’s is a naked untruth.
Years can go by and feelings be buried; No boyfriend, or morality can get in the way when you deeply want something.
Is not that I’m glad or ashamed of what I did or anything. We pushed too far. We let ourselves go. This won’t happen again. No promises just willing to make things right next time.
This could get messy. Flashing backwards to some years ago. We loved each other in a spiritual way as we like to think of it. It’s a way to minimize the regret that we don’t have.
I’ll honor your request for silence and it’s up to you to wash your hands of this. I don’t seem to mind to overlook this suppose crime.
# Allanis Morrisette – Wash your hands
Motto: “What you don’t have you don’t need it now”
Next topic: “Dating myself”