.∙Oops I… ∙.

I’m in my late twenties and I still find myself doing pre-adolescent stuff. It’s not that I regret doing so, but it’s interesting how some things never change.
This weekend I kinda let my hormones take over for a couple of hours and jerked myself for two, simultaneously, guys. It was totally retro, come one, but it was fun. I even received some pics from them, which I must confess, were totally used properly for my personal pleasure.
Anyway. I’m not 16 anymore and Yes, some sex will be provided in the future with both of them, if I get lucky, of them.. hwhwhw, but the point is that none of these make my feel like I’m falling in love or something. I didn’t even feel promiscuous about that either.
I’m still dating myself, so let’s consider this a threesome. Whwhwh
# s – Ft
Motto: “It doesn’t make sense, does it?”
Next topic: Dancing with myself

.∙ Dating myself ∙.

A verdade as vezes dói um pouco, ainda mais quando ela chega em doce cavalar. Ontem em conversa com uma grande amiga eu ouvi uma realidade inconveniente. Não que a gente já não sabia dela, mas que preferimos não ver. A ignorância é a benção dos fracos e despreparados.
Atraímos coisas boas quando pensamos em coisas boas, e a negatividade funciona da mesma forma. Nossa aparência pode até mostrar uma falsa realidade que mascara um maior problema interno, mas de certa forma, mais ou menos evidente, deixamos transparecer o real estado interno nosso.
Isso me fez lembrar de um ocorrido a umas 2 semanas atrás. Um carinha que conheci num site de relacionamentos de tanto insistir pra ver meu Orkut, eu mandei... Não deu nem cinco minutos para ele voltar me chamando que sou muito porra loka. Gente, por que? Segundo Tebs eu estava, e ainda estou, vendendo uma falsa imagem minha. You see what you get, right? Not quite!
Não sou assim, mas gosto que pensem isso de mim. Porque quero ser assim? Porque quero ser visto assim? Nenhuma nem outra... Por que será então? Bom, isso eu descubro com o tempo. Faz parte do meu crescimento pessoal. Doesn’t matter how much it takes, but I’ll succeed.
Como uma forma de consolidar essa etapa de autoaprendizado resolve namorar, a mim mesmo. Comprei uma aliança e tudo mais. Estar com alguém que egoistamente gosta de mim. Vou cuidar de mim, arrumar a casa para poder receber alguém, um dia...
# Arctic Monkeys – Fluorescent adolescent
Motto: “Precisamos arrumar a casa antes de receber visita”
Next topic: First date

.∙ Wash your hands ∙.

Feeling are complicated to control. I like to pretend to myself and other that I have control over mine, but I know as well as my friends that’s is a naked untruth.
Years can go by and feelings be buried; No boyfriend, or morality can get in the way when you deeply want something.
Is not that I’m glad or ashamed of what I did or anything. We pushed too far. We let ourselves go. This won’t happen again. No promises just willing to make things right next time.
This could get messy. Flashing backwards to some years ago. We loved each other in a spiritual way as we like to think of it. It’s a way to minimize the regret that we don’t have.
I’ll honor your request for silence and it’s up to you to wash your hands of this. I don’t seem to mind to overlook this suppose crime.
# Allanis Morrisette – Wash your hands
Motto: “What you don’t have you don’t need it now”
Next topic: “Dating myself”

.∙ What don’t you like about yourself ? ∙.

Today, it makes three weeks since I made my sexless promise. Since then I’ve kisses some, but I want to keep this challenge until the end. I’m more tan hormones. I quite sure of it. Even though I’m involving with some out of town boys. Yes, I’m sun of god. I need some distraction.
Well. By the end of this week I’ll complete 1 month and I’m going out of town. There are two out there wondering when I gonna come across.
Let’s go to today’s theme. I take as no presumption to say that everybody has something, or many whwhw, they would like to change. I have myself my growing list of things. Some provideble some not so much. But the point is that we are not satisfied with that we have.
What I can say is that what we want is not necessarily what we need, and both of those things are, most of the times, impossible to get. One way to comfort is an U2 lyric which I take as today’s motto.
# U2 – Beautiful day
Motto: “What you don’t have you don’t need it now”
Next topic: Wash your hands

.∙ Be careful what you wish for, coz you just might get it ∙.

Since we are kids the desire for things has always conquered our minds. The capitalist spirit prevails through our teenage and goes until we die. Some even keep desiring after that.
The highest point is with the adolescents who just can’t control it. Always wanting and asking and even getting exactly what they wished for. Is this healthy? Well, a lot of everything isn’t, is it?
The real question is not receiving, but what we are asking for. Is it good for us? If it’s not, what to do when we get it?
# The Pussycat dolls – When I grow up
Motto: “What don’t you like about yourself?”
Next topic: What don’t you like about yousef?

.∙ Out of order ∙.

I’m starting to get used to this. Every morning is the same thing. I listen to the morning news and after some music until the bus reaches the road. On road I open my lap and look for theme music to write for the blog. Once finished I keep listening to one or two songs.
Anyway, What I want to write about is of course ME. Today during shower I faced myself and established new goals.
I found myself totally chaotic, inside and outside. How can I desire someone else if I don’t desire myself? Yesterday I was desperate to go to a bar of someplace else. Not to drink, just to be out as much as possible.
To make things short, I decided to put myself together. My professional life is walking. My family binderies are fine, my friends, too, so I must take care of myself, who had should be the priority. I finally got it guys!
For the few next days, or weeks if necessary, I will exclusively take care of me alone.
# Coldplay – Fix you
Motto: “Even the best shrink needs another one.”
Next topic: Nobody makes success alone

.∙ It’s the climb ∙.

Well, hearing that Hanna Montana got almost naked on Internet or reading Lindsay Lohan begging her ex to let her in make me feel a little better. We humans have a tendency to enjoy seeing people in worse state than we are. Suffering is a normal process of life. God I do no so!
Yesterday I talked with two great people in my life. Both, even though they don’t even know each other, said the very same thing. They are proud of what I am and the way I am. This freak sensible machine that feels intensively loves intensively, gives and takes intensively. Unfortunately suffers intensively, too.
I don’t want to be a different person that I am, but I would really appreciate to be a little bit colder. That would spare me some pain. But then again, that wouldn’t be me.
It’s not about winning or losing; it’s not about reaching of fading; It’s not what there is in the other side. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE FUCKING CLIMB.
So I’ll keep climbing, as much mountains as I can face, as much cliffs as I can jump, as much edges as I can cross. Overcoming myself, becoming something better than before.
# Miley Cyrus – The climb
Motto: “Keep the faith in you”
Next topic: Nobody makes success alone